Flux
by angelic lily
Summary: [oneshot] Their relationship had so many levels... Gin x Rangiku


**My very first Gin x Rangiku. It's been forever since I wrote a romance type fic too.**

**Just a warning: _ookini_ roughly translates into 'thank you' in kansai dialect.**

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**_Simple_**

"What's that supposed to be?"

The silver haired boy grinned, rubbing his small hands for warmth before answering.

"S'pposed ta be ya."

The girl frowned at the mounds of lumpy snow; for the life of her, she couldn't quite see blonde, blue, or any of her features on the white snow save for a wide smile imprinted on by the boy's finger.

"It doesn't look anything like me."

Disappointed, she turned away slightly to show her displeasure. Her hold on her shawl tightened: it was a cold day, even for the most outer district. Her thin summer yukata did not warm her much either. But really, he had woken her up for this?

"Well I'll jus' hav'ta make it look like ya won't I?"

Still grinning and choosing not to register her discontent, the boy gathered two fist fulls of snow in his bare hands despite the fact that he was also dressed in a plain yukata. He pressed the two smaller mounds onto the larger lump of snow and patted it down with an artist's care.

"There. Ain't t'at nice?"

The 'snowman' now stood with two mounds clearly protruding from its 'chest'. Realizing what it meant, the blonde girl flushed slightly at the implication. Her blue eyes flashed with fire as she quickly jumped forward to deal the 'look-alike' a swift quick in the most fatal area.

"Don't fool around about those things!"

The snow monument in the making crumbled down at their sandaled feet, some parts erupting into flurries of white: lost forever. The white jumbled together like a puzzle without a solution on the field.

Blonde hair glinting in the early sun, the girl harrumphed in satisfaction. The boy merely stared at the spot where his snowman had stood without a smile. An unexpected silence hung in the empty field dangerously. The only sound was the muffled crunching of snow coming from a road far south of their pitiful home.

She knew that they had stood in silence for far too long. Was he mad? He didn't seem like someone to get mad easily, but he was always leaving her so she would never know. Shifting her shawl uncomfortably, she watched as misty wisps of breath escaped her friend's lips. Her savior's lips. His eyes were hidden from her as was his expression. His hands were red from the cold, turning pale. Glancing away before he could notice she looked back at the ruined snowman.

"I'll help you build another one." _Because you already did so much for me._

She saw a small glimpse of his green-blue eyes before they disappeared under his ivory lids.

"A'right Ran-chan." He said cheerfully, "But you gotta do most o' it since my 'ands got too cold."

He held up his small unprotected hands as proof. I know, she wanted to say. Instead she stepped forward and began to rub her slightly warmer but equally exposed hands against his. He watched intently as she did so.

"Since I'm doing this you have to split the work evenly okay?"

She looked back down at their two hands, brows furrowed in concentration at her task. Watching her, a smile began to form on his lips.

"'Kay Rangiku."

_**Growing**_

They were supposed to be studying their kidou. But as usual they were not.

"This one sounds morbid doesn't it?"

Rangiku pointed to the last line of a kidou labeled 'Bakudou #9- Geki'. Gin, sitting next to her, raised a single silver eyebrow at the line.

"'s t'at so…don't sound so bad t'me."

She brushed golden strands out of her blue eyes as she looked upon her classmate with a cat's knowingness.

"Nothing sounds bad to you Gin."

"S'ppose not." He returned. His smile seemed to grow as he said so. However, the blonde's eyes shifted in suspicion when he did.

"You seem down today."

His expression did not change in the least. He pushed away the already ignored kidou scrolls to the corner of the desk they shared before continuing.

"Whatever makes ya think so?"

"Don't try to fool me." She answered back sharply. In moments like these Gin was sure she would make an impressive military woman. "You didn't fail something today while I wasn't looking did you?" She continued. "Or was it the professor?"

She observed (not watched) as Gin opened his mouth to lie; whenever he spoke this soon, he was going to lie. He was too careful not to chew his words if he were answering honestly. Lies came to him like a second nature. However, today his mouth closed abruptly and his smile lowered just a little.

"Can't lie t'ya, can I Rangiku?"

Yet he could. She had found that out just a week ago when he said he'd meet her at the academy but never did. He didn't come that day. But if he was feeling generous today she wasn't going to stop him: it was nice to be in on his thoughts once in a while, no matter how disturbing they may be.

Blinking, she snapped out of her thoughts just in time to see Gin reaching for one of her golden locks with his long bony hands. She held her breath. He fingered it surprisingly gently, letting it slide and curl around his fingers despite its short length.

"Ya didn't tell me ya were gonna cut yer hair t'day…"

She had cut it in the morning, after he had already wandered off. It was getting messy and what was a girl with limited resources to do?

He wasn't done. He leaned in, his breath causing her hair to stand on its end. It forced her into an alertness that she only went into when sparring. At the same time she wanted to laugh as it swept over her neck fluidly. However her senses brought her back to reality, anticipating her classmate's next move.

"It feels too pretty for t'at."

_What?_

And abruptly he was gone, sitting in his seat innocently as if nothing happened. The only proof that something had in fact happened was the fading electrical energy prickling her skin.

"Ya better start breathing Rangiku. Ya might faint."

_**Complete**_

"Congratulations on your promotion!"

Somehow, through all the throng of shinigami and busy hours, they had managed to find each other in the run down bar for a bottle of warm sake. How small Soul Society seemed in its vastness sometimes…

"Ookini."

He drank deeply, finishing his round of sake in a full minute. Rangiku downed her own share faster, immediately pouring another round for him as well as generously doing so for herself. He watched (not smiled because he was always smiling) quietly as she poured herself more drinks as soon as the cup emptied.

"Where'd ya get t'at scarf?"

He indicated the blue scarf hanging alluringly around her arms.

"This? I bought it at one of the shops near the first district. Nice, isn't it? I think it was well worth the money for all the personal touches and such." She smiled fondly at both the scarf and her friend, the sake warming her core.

"Ya gonna go broke if ya keep doin' t'at Ran-chan."

Ran-chan. He hadn't called her that in years. Maybe a century. Where had time gone anyways? Both of them already in Gotei 13, Gin already a vice-captain. She herself had just completed her own vice-captain examination. She would soon follow him, as she always did. Nevertheless, it seemed like just yesterday that he offered her food in that rundown district…

"I can manage money fine on my own." She huffed. She drank faster out of impulse. The sake was good for a rundown bar. Almost dirt-cheap too. She set aside the empty gourd to reach for another much fuller one.

"T'at so?" he said. He cocked his head to the side while she drank again.

"Ya didn't used t' drink t'at much Rangiku."

She wrinkled her nose at him. "Times change Gin, times change. Besides, the job of a shinigami is that of a lonely thankless hero. A job that glorious needs some benefits." She laughed out loud at her own analogy, downing one more as she giggled the last of it out.

"True. Ya should never take a job t'at don't have no benefits."

He drank once more in appreciation of her business sense. Yet he said nothing of the lonely occupation or of its unappreciated role. Perhaps it was the sake that dulled her senses but she did not say anything about that either.

"Well Gin, seems like we will really be parting ways now. I mean you busy with being a vice-captain and all to Captain… Captain… A… Ama…" She drummed her fingers on the table. "Oh it's on the tip of my tongue!"

"Capt'n Aizen. Na Rangiku?"

"That's right! The one with the glasses! Oh I wanted him as a captain too! Well Captain Kyouraku isn't bad either. Nice guy…"

They settled into silence that was neither frequent, fond, nor comfortable. Over the times that they were apart, their friendship had turned sour at the edges. It was much too awkward now without a definite cause to it. The fondness still remained, but it could not be controlled. However, on this moonless night, there seemed to be something more…

"So yer lonely Rangiku?"

She started, taken aback by the sudden question. Her cool blue eyes softened while she paused in her drinking rampage and looked guiltily down to her lap. Her firm lips slackened as her mind traveled far back into moments before.

"Well it hasn't been the same Gin, as that time before. You aren't there anymore."

She felt stupid for admitting it but how could she not? There was an empty spot everywhere she went that demanded her attention. Even Haineko had noticed and would growl low in her mind when the hole made itself known. And that hole seemed to be only fit for _him_.

"I'm a li'l lonely too. Bein' a vice-captain don't git ya no friends."

The blonde looked hard at her companion, watching for a drop in his defenses. But he never let his guard down to anyone. She should have known.

"I've missed ya Ran." His expression hadn't changed much but his voice was softer, almost sentimental. If she hadn't known better, she would say that he was letting her in. Into that strange twisted fantasy world where everything was a lie yet so beautiful intertwined it didn't seem to matter anymore.

"Ya look good too. Ya grew yer hair ."

She touched it self-consciously like a girl on her first date: flattered. She traced it down to where it reached just past her shoulders. She knew its shape: she had seen it a thousand times in the mirror. It was longer yet it still held the shape of the short bob that reminded both of them of her younger days.

"You look fine too Gin."

It wasn't a lie. His silver hair looked just as silky as usual in the night. It stole the golden colors of the lantern near them, easily moving from blonde to silver discreetly. His usual knowing smile seemed to have almost softened just for her. His shoulders sat broader than she remembered and his grip on his cup was sturdy and strong. His lean muscles were covered by his black sleeves as well as the new shining badge on his arm.

"The badge suits you."

Now that was a stretch. It didn't really suit him that much; it seemed like he was missing something important when he wore it, like there should be something more to emphasize his presence. She did not correct herself as his mouth widened into a grin: a show of pleasure. He barely glanced at his badge though and remained focused on the curvaceous blonde who was looking rather lovely in the night.

"Ya look beautiful."

If she hadn't drunk three whole bottles by herself already, she might have laughed… might have… should she have? Instead she smiled welcomingly, her startling blue eyes suddenly mischievous.

"And what should I say to that?"

Without warning his finger reached up to trace her jaw: slowly, torturously reaching the tip of her ear. He let out something that might have been a chuckle or maybe that was her imagination.

"Ya should say 'thank you fo' the compliment. May I go home wit' ya t'night?'"

Was she wrong to willingly say the words he put into her mouth?

_**Unsettled**_

She looked up, surprised but not startled.

"Gin? What are you doing here?"

She had been doodling shamelessly on her paperwork when she had felt his reiatsu approaching the office. The half-hearted drawings nearly filled up the entire page and Rangiku pushed it away to be forgotten behind unfinished paperwork. The third division captain did not miss the movement but did not acknowledge it.

"Jus' checkin' on the lady o' the 10th is all. Had t'see how ya were doin'."

Matsumoto smiled faintly before reshuffling the paperwork back to its original order. She crumpled up her doodling and threw into the garbage neatly. She reached for her brush and ink sitting idly on the corner of the bureau.

"You might want to make this a short visit. He won't be happy to see you here."

Ichimaru Gin merely offered himself a seat on the couch facing vice captain's desk.

"Oh? Well I'd better be makin' sure I git out o' here soon won't I?"

"I'm sure."

The 10th division lieutenant jumped a good foot in her seat, her ample assets jumping with her in surprise. At the doorway stood the one and only height deprived Hitsugaya Toushirou.

"Captain!"

"Matsumoto." Hitsugaya deadpanned. He turned his teal eyes onto Gin. The captain in question waved in a supposedly friendly manner to his fellow captain.

"Well if it ain't Hitsugaya-san. How ya been doing t'day?"

The prodigy captain's displeased gaze turned icy cold. The room seemed much cooler than before and Matsumoto shivered.

"I've been better."

Ichimaru smiled. "That ain't good." This only annoyed the younger captain further.

"What's you business here Ichimaru?" Hitsugaya waited, obviously not expecting much as Gin pointed towards the buxom vice-captain.

"Ain't it obvious? I came t'see yer vice-captain. She's a beauty ain't she?"

Hitsugaya's right eye twitched faintly and Matsumoto was sure she saw a vein pulse on his forehead. However he calmed down immediately and seemed to sense no immediate danger. "Matsumoto, I'll be in the archive if you need me."

Ignoring Ichimaru, the 10th division captain closed the door sharply on the two officers. They sat still until the soft footsteps faded towards a corridor far from them. As soon as this happened, Ichimaru dropped his grin. His brows furrowed, he turned to the vice-captain's desk.

"He's got a huge stick up his ass don't he?"

Normally she would have laughed a little, but she shrugged instead. "He needs to relax a bit but he's alright. He knows what he's doing." Taking a biscuit from a plate, she started to draw the beginnings of a flower. His eyes weren't off her yet.

"He ain't good 'nough." He said as he himself reached for a biscuit. "He ain't good 'nough for much."

She did not respond until she had finished drawing a rather detailed sketch of the tenth division symbol: a daffodil. Putting this aside, she changed a glance at her old friend.

"Are you here for anything else other than to see me?"

His mouth slackened slightly as he gave her an incredulous look.

"Ain't that enough?"

She didn't know how to respond with out shoving the truth in his face brutally. It had been once. Before, it would have been more than enough. The rumbling of Haineko and her own heart would have been sufficient to drive her crazy. Except now… now time had shifted again, this time taking desire with it.

"Rangiku," he said. He stepped towards her, his hand by her hand. She put down the brush, the ink splash spreading across the page. Black. Like the sleeve of his robe which was now drifting nearer to her face like a heavy curtain. His hand brushed back her hair while the other gently placed itself on her waist. As he spoke, his breath tickled her neck.

"Rangiku. It's been so long…"

She was stuck. Her body wanted to give in to that familiar sensation of his hand along her face, her heart wanted her to cry into his chest, and her head told her to get a grip.

"Rangiku ya left me." His hold tightened on her waist, reminding her of that chilly autumn day when his body's warmth had been so close to her own burning heart. Or that time in spring rain when she had clung close to him under that umbrella. And when the summer breeze would lift for just a second and she would find him there looking over her every move. Even last winter, as the wind blew away her scarf and he… She sighed. She would indulge a little, for his sake and for herself.

"I didn't leave. It just… ended. It stopped itself Gin."

Her hand found the pale hand lingering by her hip, sliding down…

"Not here."

Her grip tightened on his wandering hand and she could just imagine his narrow smiling face beside hers.

"Where?"

She pried off his hand and stood up to move away from the calloused hand that cupped her face.

"Nowhere."

He stood with her, his haori trailing the ground as he did. His fingers lightly traced over the daffodil before fiddling with his sleeve as if ashamed.

"The li'l kid keepin' ya on a tight leash Ran?" He teased. His hand traced over the place just below his ear where she might have kissed if she had indulged further.

"No." she answered, not missing exactly where he was brushing. "No it's not that." Her captain would never restrict her on her personal life: it was free for her to do whatever she wanted to do with it.

"'Fraid he might walk in? He's bound t'know soon where babies come from." He seemed to particular enjoy that one, his hand leaving that imperceptibly marked place on his neck.

"No that's not it Gin." She was playing a dangerous game: she was arousing his curiosity now. As his eyes narrowed, she began to see a glimpse of the shinigami that the Gotei 13 feared so much.

"Ya gonna tell me?" His mouth barely moved while his manners feigned innocence. But from the way his jaw was set and his muscles were wound, she could sense his readiness to pounce if necessary. She had to answer now, no later; he had heard of his _interesting_ interrogation style that always left the questioned screaming.

"It ended Gin, a long time ago." It pained her more than it did him, she lied. They couldn't keep hiding the truth. She couldn't keep on lying: she _always_ lied when he was near. Both of them could not lie to each other anymore.

It was a blow, she realized, when a hint of disbelief passed over his face before disappearing from his face.

"When'd it end Ran-chan?"

Her mouth was dry, but she did not try to moisten it; an unnecessary movement could cause a disaster. How would she answer? She couldn't be Ran-chan any longer. When her mind pieced together the most appropriate answered, she breathed in an effort to soothe as Matsumoto Rangiku, the 10th division vice-captain.

"When you stopped."

His expression tightened immediately. He was strained to his limits. Still, still he stepped steadily towards her. She did not move. Her feral instincts had kicked in: she wasn't backing down now. Ichimaru Gin (not Gin), the captain of the 3rd division, was a dangerous person. Yet at the back of her mind, she didn't know what she was so afraid of: he would never hurt her. Never. However, her body moved of its own accord as it lowered its stance when he did not stop. He wouldn't dare here, not when the captain was so close. He was too cautious for that.

Almost on cue, his face relaxed but did not resume its never changing smile. Instead he looked at her with a mixture of sadness and pity.

"You've changed Rangiku."

And maybe she had. But so had he.

_**Impossible**_

"_If only ya had held onto me a li'l longer…"_

Stupid Gin. Always imagining stupid things. Stupid useless things. If she had held on longer, they would have hunted her down too for suspicion of treason!! That's what he was thinking?! He was stupid! (There were other risky possibilities but she wasn't going to admit any of them.) And he had had the nerve to even think about such a stupid thing when all _that_ happened! Him and his stupid fox face. Couldn't even say a decent goodbye. Just 'goodbye'. Stupid. After all those years, he finally says it and he couldn't make it more epic?! Romantic?! Something?! Stuuuuupid. She was going to kill him for that. Kill him. She was going to go on over to Hueco Mondo or wherever and kill him. She was going to stab him _right_ in the heart and say to his face… say…

"It's your fault. You made it impossible. You ruined everything."

…

God, they were both so stupid. Stupid, both of them. Idiots.

Stupid.

"How many have you had?"

She sees white and teal: Captain.

"I think I had…" she stutters. Ten? Thirteen? Twenty?

"Well however many it was, it's enough. We're going."

She slumped over, knocking over sake bottle like dominoes. Was she going to the office for _paperwork_?! No… the still sober part of her mind told her that the captain wasn't that cruel. But she didn't want to go now! She had something important to tell him!

"But Captain…"

She pouted. The world was spinning: so bright, so many colours, like that festival…

"Captain…"

She sniffed. It was cold tonight. Like winter. Stupid snowmen.

"Captain we've gotta pay him back! He made it _impossible_!"

Oh God. Everything was spinning. She wanted to cry and hurl and only sheer force held both of them back. The tears still pooled in her eyes though. Stupid... silver…

She passed out just as Hitsugaya finished his response. Whatever he had said was lost to her. He sighed as he started to pick up his fallen subordinate, grunting under her surprising weight.

Stupid.

_**Culmination**_

He hadn't been able to let go. If he had let her go as they all said, perhaps things might have turned out differently. He would still be the smiling liar and she would still be the fierce beauty. Yet, a happy ending could have been made for both of them. Nothing fairytale-like or anything. Something straightforward, beautiful; just for the both of them. They were both simple people after all, with simple wants.

But he hadn't let go. If you love someone, release them from the cage you hold them in. Though they may seem vulnerable, let them go. In the right time they will come back. Or so they say. He had never let her out of the cage. But it didn't mean he didn't love her. She was too dear to let go; another one like her would never come by.

It was fear coursing through his veins. Unpleasantly, like the seeping cold of a rainy day.

This ending wasn't too bad though. At least they left her dazzling, gorgeous in a pool of warm red. Her hair just as golden as usual, her eyes just as blue, and her skin just as smooth. Perfect. Exactly like he remembered her. Her full pink lips only needed to pull up a little to form a wry smile of familiarity towards her. She had nothing to smile about though. He would know. He watched her die.

He brushed his hand against her face; she wasn't cold yet, not rigid. His fingers twirled in her hair like fine thread; he was glad she grew it out like he told her to. The last suggestion of his that she ever took. Their hairs mingled like silver and gold silk: so fitting but too different. And just as he leaned in, he caught his reflection in her glassy eyes. Slowly, he smiled. She should at least remember one smiling face in her death to erase the pain of her wound. His Ran-chan would have wanted someone to hold her close too, so that she wasn't alone. Words of love should be whispered in her ear because it was so much better than the clash of swords and screams of battle. She would have wanted warm fingers to gently close her eyes as she left. He knew her better than anyone. He would know. She was just as he remembered, just as he left her.

Always burning beautifully.

_Gomen na, Rangiku._

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**I think my Gin accent was a bit inconsistent XP Let's face it people, his accent is cool but its damn hard to copy :( Anyways, hope you enjoyed. You can tell i miss Soul Society XD**


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